Forget plasma infusions – the secrets of longevity are much more simple and fun

Health and wellness advice tends to be obvious and irritating. Eat more vegetables! Drink less booze! Exercise! Who wants to hear all that, eh? Not me. Which is why my favourite genre of health advice is weird wisdom from the uber-elderly.
Every now and then there will be a profile of one of the oldest people alive where they say something delightful such as: “My secret to a long and healthy life is eating crisps and drinking gin.” Admittedly, I’m not sure I have ever seen that exact advice imparted, but there have been some gems over the years. Plymouth resident Doris Olive Netting, who died aged 100, for example, credited her long life to drinking a glass of Guinness a day. Susannah Mushatt Jones, who died at 116, swore by a daily breakfast of bacon. Richard Overton, who died at 112, smoked cigars and liked a little whiskey in his coffee. And, several years ago, at the age of 102, Eunice Modlin extolled the health-giving properties of chocolate.
I should note that I have cherrypicked this advice. When you look more carefully at super-centenarians, they mainly tend to eat sensibly and abstain from cigarettes and alcohol. A few also seem to abstain from relationships. This month, 112-year-old Louise Jean Signore told the New York Post she was still alive and kicking because she’d opted out of marriage and kids. “When you are married, you have a lot of trouble,” she said.
While I haven’t seen any super-centenarians explicitly credit urban planning for their long lives, perhaps they should. Recently issued projections for longevity by country in 2050 show Spain punching well above its weight. Why? Well, diet plays a role but so does density: Spain is full of highly walkable cities. Being able to walk everywhere increases incidental exercise while also promoting social contact. Alas, it isn’t something that seems to excite Silicon Valley’s immortality-obsessed tech bros who, instead, are pouring money into things like plasma infusions and cryopreservation in order to prolong lifespan.
Ultimately though, there is only one fail-safe way to extend your life. Many people like to keep it hush-hush, but the secret was shared by the late Overton – he of the cigars and whiskey. “Just keep living, don’t die,” he sagely advised. So now you know.
Arwa Mahdawi is a Guardian columnist